Posted by: tituteo | November 21, 2008

World’s Lousiest Mum

I feel rotten. I am depriving my beloved son of his most precious thing in the world. The Pacifier. :(

Ever since he was a few weeks old and needed constant suckling, we introduced the pacifier and Seth has been dependent on it since. It was a manageable habit to us. He would only need it to fall asleep and when resting. In the car, it soothes him and we can ride in peace all the way to KL. At home, I am assured that he will not place things into his mouth as long as he has his pacy. The pacifier not only served it’s main purpose to Seth, it was a great help to us too. The only downside is that we will have to wake up several times in the night to pop it back into his mouth before he will fall back to sleep. After so long, we have grown accustomed to that and he can even pop it in himself if he managed to find it in his dazed mood.

My attempts to wean him off the pacifier at one year old was futile as he kept crying and refused to fall asleep. In the end I cried and begged the Man to give him back the pacy for I couldn’t take the heart wrenching cries.

Lately we have been thinking of reducing his pacy-time and tried to take it away from him when he was not sleeping. A few times we tried driving to the nearby supermarket without it and he was inconsolable in the car. After a few attempts, he grew suspicious and even more dependent! He will insist on hanging on to it when he left the room to go out. And he will refuse to keep it when we arrived at our destinations in the car. We had to put up with him hanging on to his pacy and the pillow and walking around with them in broad daylight! Something I dislike as it looks too sloppy and unpresentable.

So came yesterday when I was trying to teach him to say “Du Du” (pacifier in baby talk) and took it from him, hiding it and waited for him to say the words before I return it. He got distracted and forgot about it for a while and I had the sudden inspiration to play along. When it came nap time, he started searching for it! Being unable to speak, he could only make “Eh Eh” sounds in intonations of surprise and query. I pretended not to understand him and proceeded to hug him and pat him and make him sleep. I was intent on giving it back to him the minute he cries for it but to my surprise, after a few feeble “Eh”s, he fell asleep. That was easy!!

He woke up and I distracted him with play and food. After dinner, we went out in the car and again he started crying for it. We played the distraction cards and managed to appease him but at night he was looking for it again. He made attempts to ask for his “Ti Ti” and pointed to his backpack where we used to keep his pacy when we go out. Again, I distracted him, and sang to him and hugged and kissed him to sleep. And that was when the nightmare began!!

He woke up a few times in the night and cried for his pacifier! The first time he cried I was in the toilet and he waited for me to come out to pass it to him. When I didn’t, he fussed and refused to sleep. I was helpless and begged Papa to give it to him. There were some raised voices and he stopped crying. We took the opportunity to make him sleep then and he did. The second time he woke up, we pretended to ‘fight’ again, and again he paused in his cries. We managed to make him sleep after a longer time. Subsequently he cried a few times in his sleep but the worst came at dawn.

He was inconsolable by then. Crying and pointing to his mouth and searching everywhere. I hugged him and told him to be strong. He pushed me away and cried. I was so heartbroken I cried. My sweet darling then stopped between tears and reached over to console me! He put his face to mine and kissed me like he usually does when I pretended to be hurt. My heart broke into a million pieces. Why do I have to deprive him and make him so sad?

I wanted to give up and return his pacifier. However, giving up will mean his earlier agony has been in vain and all our efforts wasted. Also, another attempt when he is older may be tougher as he gets deeper attached. I try to tell myself it’s all for his good and he will forget about it soon.

And somehow, I still feel rotten. Especially when I see him sucking air and swallowing saliva in his sleep. This pacy rehabilitation seems to be as traumatising for him as it is for me.:(

Actually, he looks really cute with his pacy! I miss Ah Du too!

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