So often we hear such comments from well-meaning friends, “Hey, you’re marrying the guy, not his family! Why do you care what they think of you?â€
I have never agreed to that. Love him, love his family. How does one live a life with no kin and relatives? If the family don’t like me, then how am I gonna face them for the rest of our lives? It would most certainly be unfair to stop the spouse from visiting his parents. For they did bring him up well and able, and for that, I am indebted to them for good!
The Man’s family took to me well I would say. (Oh well, I really am not that hard to love!) I felt loved and welcomed whenever we visit. The extended family is a rather small clan with few aunties, uncles and cousins. All in, we take up barely 3 tables on special occasions.
I recall the inauguration dinner years ago, when my parents went over to KL to discuss wedding plans. Mother-in Law (to-be then) was so warm and hospitable she invited the whole Lee Clan to dinner just to meet us! It was terrifying. Meet-the-Parents sessions magnified! I remember getting cold feet at the carpark before entering the restaurant!
And so I was officially introduced to the YeeMas and GuJehs, the cousins and the little nieces and nephews. It was a brief introduction as I buried my face in food to avoid embarrassment! Mainly because I suck (present tense, cause I still suck. :S ) at Cantonese and could not understand most of what was asked! Everyone adapted well to me though by the end of dinner. They spoke to me in English with snippets of Cantonese, which I barely understood, and had to tuck at the then boyfriend’s shirt for help in translation!
One particular cousin sister made me feel at home, speaking in English and assuring me of the nice family I was marrying into. She continued to be a pillar of support whenever we met at family gatherings. It was not often, but she always made the effort to talk to me, ask about my well-being, and offer tips on child rearing. In places where everyone knows everyone except me, she made me feel like I belong. It does not matter that the Man himself may not be that close to the cousin when they were younger. To me, ever since I joined the clan, other than my direct family in-law, she had been the one relative I look out for at big gatherings. For I know, at any awkward situations where I were to be left alone, she’ll be there to chat with me.
She passed away on the 22nd of July, last week. And I wept like I’d lost my own relative. Then again, she was my own relative afterall. No more yours or mine, just ours.
Till we meet again.
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