Life has been pretty fulfilling for me the past 3 months. I live for my baby, breathe for him and overall, my life just revolves around him. It was pretty tough initially. Having to wake up 2 to 3 times every night, clean up his puke and his very soft stools, express milk and sterilise everything that’ll be in contact with him. Eventually, I got used to it. And as he gets bigger day by day, he’s getting easier to manage. Now he wakes once every night. Doesn’t puke anymore (Touch wood!) and since I no longer am a human cow, life’s been easier.
People like me are called SAHM (Stay at Home Mum) but I guess I’m not exactly that. I think I am more of a WAHM (Work at Home Mum). In a way it’s a blessing for me. I get to see my baby grow and yet I am not totally confined to the house, as I get my half day of work done while Granny looks after Seth.
I’ve been feeling rather contented. That is, until I read about the way others view us SAHMs. It is rather exasperating to see that we are deemed as ‘bumming at home’ and ‘very free’ and ‘enjoying life’! Okie, the last one I would say, is rather true. For I AM enjoying my life very much spending time with my baby. However, I still find it very shallow for people to think stay home mummies are having an easy time.
My average day starts at the time junior decides to wake up. It ranges from 6 to 9 in the morning. Okie, 9 is stretching it. I’ll most probably be patting him since 7 am if he were to drag his sleep till 9. He has the habit of stirring in his sleep and whinning, but not fully waking. =/ When he wakes, I’ll prepare his bath and wash him up and feed him his morning feed before I go for my breakfast. After breakfast, it’s interaction time as he’ll demand all my attention, wanting to play and ‘talk’ to me all the time. When he’s totally worn out, it’ll be around noon and I’ll give him his noon feed before patting him to sleep. Then, I’ll get to enjoy my lunch and get ready for work at the office. I’ll return at 4 pm to give him his afternoon feed and play with him a little before I return to work till 6.30 when I’ll return for dinner and more play. Nowadays, we’ll try to squeeze in a short walk as a family bonding thing. At about 8, I’ll wash him up and get him smelling nice and sweet for his bedtime. He’ll hopefully doze off after his night feed. He’ll wake again at midnight for a feed and another in the middle of the night.
Okie, that’s my general routine. Doesn’t feel very ‘free’ to me. The fact that I’m spending time with my boy doesn’t mean that I’m lazing around at home. The fact that friends who are FTWM(Full Time Working Mothers), who choose to make more money to give their kids material benefits, do not make them more ‘helpful to society’. My boy does not get to enjoy expensive toys, even though we do try our best to give him the best with our single income (my meagre income not counted! cos it’s too insignificant!) He’ll get our love definitely, but there’ll be no branded clothes, just nice comfortable ones.
I’ve got my sacrifices too. In exchange for time with my kid, I gave up another life that I used to have. I can no longer spend impulsively. The Great Singapore Sales is almost over and I have not even dared to step into the shops. Thou shall not be tempted! The man and I are cutting down on our luxurious dining dates. We no longer spend on ourselves. Everything we buy is for the kid. While FTWMs buy LV, Gucci bags, I’m getting mine online at $20. While FTWMs get to eat at Lawry’s, I eat at coffeeshops and foodcourts. While FTWMs get to buy dresses and cosmetics, I take pride in applying eyeshadow on my once a week outing during the weekends. While FTWMs dress in pretty and sexy clothes to pubs, I wallow in smelly, puke-stained clothes at home. Every day I live in fear of turning into an old hag, despised by even my own husband. I run the risk of losing touch with the world. Being too contained at home, I fear I will one day be out of sync with the society. By then, when the Man decides that I’m too ugly and uncouth to be seen in public with him, and decides to get a young and pretty girl to be by his side, I’ll be so out-of-touch that I can’t survive on my own in a modern society. So, who is complaining here?!
Nevertheless, every time I look at the angel sleeping in my arms, everything seems so mediocre. My only consolation is that my baby will grow into a happy boy who is loved and cherished.
Because he’s worth it!
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