Illegal to die at the age of 30!
How can someone just cease to exist on the face of the earth just like that? I can’t believe she’s gone for good. The coffin was covered due to complications, I suppose, involving her head being cut open. I did not even get to see her for the last time. Serve me right for being such a sucky friend. Let this be a lesson learnt. That I really should cherish and treasure all my friends. People I only think of on their birthdays, but never enough to bother to meet up. It’s so cruel that I need a death to remind me of the living.
I’m putting this mail from a friend as a reminder to myself. That I should learn to live without regrets.
My dear classmates and friends,
It was indeed very sad for me, after being silent for so many years, to be the harbinger of the bad news that Yupei had left us. It was also with great restraint (of my tears) for me to carry on working for the rest of the day. For, it is not so manly after all for a grown-up man to be caught bawling in his workplace.
Many had asked what had happened. I do not know. In fact, I do not wish to know. Because, it seems so irrelevant now….. whatever had happened cannot deny the fact that Yupei is gone. Permanently…..
Many had also asked whether I will be going down to the wake. It seems like the messenger also had the implied task of organizing the trip down to the wake. The answer is: no. I neither had the inclination to go nor the emotional well-being required to organize a ‘gathering’. It is a painful decision but I will stick to it. As what I’ve related to some of you, I want to remember Yupei for what she was. Not what she is right now. I am very afraid that I will shed more than a tear or two over there and I wouldn’t be able to stop it.
A few have gone. More than a handful will be going, out of respect and commemoration. But I wouldn’t want to go and witness 2C6, SAJC’s class of ’95, gathered for such a moment of anguish. I’ve sms-ed her that I won’t be sending her off. I am sure she will understand me.
My sarcastic other self questioned the motivation behind the reason why people only make so much of an attempt to gather only at the passing of a loved one? Shouldn’t there be another and/or better reasons to do so? Shouldn’t the same level of effort be used instead to attend one of our classmates’ weddings or the christening of his or her newborn? It is such an irony of life….. gathering at the departure of one…..
One of our classmates bemoaned the fact that she did not catch up with her all these years and she regretted now. My sarcastic other self kicks in again and laughed bitterly. What’s the use of regretting now? What’s the point of saying that now? Like what Kevin Spacey in the movie “K-PAX†said, we human species are such a funny lot. Always going through the same old painful
experiences. Always suffering. Always regretting. But never learning.
Yupei left us young. While we lamented constantly about ourselves hitting the big 30, we have to bear in mind that she will never ever get to experience whatever we are going to go through. She is not going to have children. Not able to watch her kids grow up. Not able to grow old with her husband and her loved ones. Not able to see the swaying of the trees nor hear the crashing of the waves. No more boisterous celebration of birthdays. Unable to continue to run the marathon of life.
This should humble us greatly. Even if we can’t harness the lesson of valuing friendship/loved ones and what not, the least takeaway from Yupei’s passing is that we must continue to embrace life as much as we can. We must continue to appreciate what little/much we have and look forward to the challenges that our futures might bring. We must do all this as youth and energy slowly and gradually distance themselves from us.
I cannot profess to be Yupei’s good friend nor soul buddy. But she had touched me sufficiently in those years to make me distraught at her passing. I’d remembered we had jolly good times in school together. Not only there but also at Harbour Pavilion, Queensway MacDonalds and our class’s favourite haunts. I’d remembered the both of us studying together during the run-up to the ‘A’ levels. I’d remembered her in her Fairfield Methodist uniform. I’d remembered that she always loved to wear that blue denim jacket of hers in lectures. I’d remembered her pimple-pocked face and that big grin. I’d remembered her
high-pitch quaky voice and her girlish giggles. Oh my, those are a decade old memories. But yes, that is how I want to remember her.
We will never be able to fathom the divinity’s reasons for taking her away from us at this young age. However, the consolation is that while we continue to increase our wrinkles and white hair, she will forever, in our eyes, never grow old. She will forever be young, full of joy and beautiful.
Yes, I believe this is how we should remember her….
Koh Pei Hiong
The Bear With A Pot Belly
14 June 2007
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