Posted by: tituteo | July 3, 2005

Cold Turkey

Marriage is an addiction. It’s like drugs. Before you were introduced to it, you don’t need it, you don’t crave it and you don’t want it. However, when you’ve tried it, you can’t stop! (Nope! Not a Pringles ad. Once you pop, you can’t stop!) Once married, you lost your ability to think independently, not that I’ve lost my self, but that I now have to think for 2. Also, you’ll be so used to doing things as a couple, going everywhere as a pair. And if you were to be left alone after that, you’ll experience withdrawal syndromes. Shivering.. maybe drooling a little. Argh! I hate that feeling!

My man’s been sent on a business trip to France. For 3 MONTHS I think I’ll go bonkers! I feel like curling myself up into a ball and not move! Till he returns… Wail!

Not one who believes in Long Distance Relationships (LDR), I am now officially in a Long Distance Marriage! Right! Married for 4 months and apart for the next 3! How exciting! Not Sent him off at the airport just now and returned home to an empty room. I think I can even hear the walls whispering! Shhh…

It’s odd. In a way, I feel different. LDMs are totally different from LDRs. For a fact, cos we are now married, the commitment is different. I used to hate LDRs. I am a touch person and it really drives me crazy that I can’t touch my loved ones. No hugs no kisses. Love is just a voice at the other end of the telephone line, just for those few minutes of conversation. When he hangs up, his life goes on. So does mine. And if there is a time difference, most likely he’ll be asleep when I’m awake and vice versa. When I need him, he’ll be busy. And when he calls, I’ll be mugging. Oh yes! LDRs are full of hits and misses. Hitting walls and missing phone calls! I was glad it was over! LDRs are full of insecurity, unsureness and the unexpected.

But now LDMs, they are a totally new and different experience. after 4 months of married life and 2 years of attachment. It’s the first time we’re apart for such a long period. The longest was 2 weeks at the beginning of our courtship. Then, I was fresh from singlehood and 2 weeks apart was tolerable, maybe even appreciated! After marriage, he was away for a week max on various trips, and though unbearable, time managed to squeeze by eventually. Ahh… 3 months… I wonder how. I no longer worry about what he’ll be doing in my absence. I just want him to eat well, sleep well, and be safe in his coming in and safe in his going out. I don’t feel insecure about other girls whom he may be attracted to in his loneliness and ’subconsciousness’. I just pray he won’t be lonely and he won’t miss home too much. LDMs are about commitment, trust and love for the other.

But LDR or LDM, it all boils down to the same thing.. and for Bao, who’s in a LDR and whom I always tried to console, and encourage, I’m sorry… I think I lied. Time doesn’t fly by. It drags it’s feet like lead. Tick-Tock Tick Tock Tick Tick Tick….


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