Seth Sara

Yesterday, a friend said I look young because I am happy. Haa… Maybe I should add that I am happy because she said I look young!

In any case, I am reminded of this Chinese phrase I heard on the TV lately. Xing4 Fu2 Bu2 Shi4 Bi4 Ran2. Meaning, Happiness does not come naturally. Indeed, a lot of things don’t come naturally. Happiness, love, even money! Heh.

At it is, I have never been happier than I am now. I am so filled with joy, love and happiness. Ha! You must envy me! It’s not that there is nothing troubling me at the moment. I do have my occasional unhappiness, my problems at work and at home. There are times I have tiffs with my Man and I was sad. It’s just that at this moment, those little sadness don’t get me down at all!

I did reflect on this recently and I found that my happiness really came with finding my love in my Man. Haaa… it’s so mushy right?! It’s true! With love comes acceptance, confidence and of course, happiness! With his love, I learnt to accept myself, to have self-confidence, and I learnt to believe in happiness all over again. You know, my happiness doesn’t come naturally. No, I did not do good deeds in my past life to gain this luck this life. I wasn’t happy all my life and I wasn’t happy until 2 years ago.

You wouldn’t believe that at this time 2 years back I was in total denial and total depression, would you? Life was the slums and I just couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I was in a lousy job with a scremish boss, and having no life, or specifically, no love at all. It helps that I had a religion to fall back on. A faith that God loves me enough to grant me all that I asked for kept me going, and praying!

After going through 2 failed relationships and numerous rejections, I was ready to wave the white flag and to declare celibacy. To comb my hair into a bun and wear white for the rest of my pathetic life. Ah, who in his right mind will go for some fat girl when there are thousands of stick-thin models strutting around in This-Fashion (that’s the clothing store that sells clothes for bamboo!) clothes? Yes, I do pride myself on my kind heart and loving attitude. I’ll do anything for my man, even die for him. But you see, guys are perverted creatures who feel threatened by women who do things for them. They prefer to do the sacrifices. Hmm… I finally figured out what I need is a really confident guy who can take my actions as love and not a mothering-act.

What really kept me going was something a friend said to me when I was really depressed and out of hopes. She said, “God didn’t mean for us to be celibate. We remain single when we choose to and when we ask God for it.” This gave me a little hope! Ok, I’m not really trying to preach here, just trying to quote a friend. Yet again, I can’t deny God’s presence in my times of helplessness. Anyway, I hung on to my friend’s words and continued my little search.

In fact, I never really gave up. Nothing comes naturally and everything comes with trying. The way to complete a difficult task is always to take the first step out. And when it works, things will start rolling fast beyond control. Everything passed in a flash when he came along. From major depression to unlimited joy now. Just a matter of 2 years and everything has changed. However, for all that I’ve been through, all the pain, all the heartaches, and would proudly say I deserve all the happiness I am enjoying now. I am worthy!

God answers prayers in 3 ways. He says Yes and gives you what you want. He says No and gives you something better. He says Wait and gives you the best in His own time. I waited. Have you?